Top 10 Judge Judy Moments of 2008

10.) "Madam, If You Can Enjoy The Bedroom With Your Boyfriend, You Can Get A Job!"

9.) Judge Judy Says "Whatevs" To Spreading Herpes On The Internet

8.) A Stoner's Love For Judge Judy Is Unrequited

7.) Judge Judy Hates Screaming When She Has Laryngitis

6.) The Judge Judy Earthquake Episode

5.) Judge Judy To Crazy Eyes Lady: "Stop Looking At Me Like That!"

4.) Judge Judy Explains The Difference Between An "Accident" And "On Purpose" To Confused Litigant

3.) Judge Judy And The Case Of The Urinary Tract Infection

2.) Judge Judy Is Totally Justified In Calling This Woman A Moron Three Times

1.) Judge Judy Teaches Wife Beater To Have Respect For Women


Head on over to JEZEBEL to watch the compiled clips.

When Philosophers Date...

because i love existentialist jokes just as much as the next girl....

(I stumbled upon the following floating about the internet. If you don’t watch daytime TV, you need to be told that this is an imagined transcript of Jerry Springer’s interview show, which often gets out of hand.)



Crowd: Jer-ry! Jer-ry! Jer-ry!

Jerry: Today’s guests are here because they can’t agree on fundamental principles of epistemology and ontology. I’d like to welcome Todd to the show.

Todd enters from backstage.

Jerry: Hello, Todd.

Todd: Hi, Jerry.

Jerry: (reading from card) So, Todd, you’re here to tell your girlfriend something. What is it?

Todd: Well, Jerry, my girlfriend Ursula and I have been going out for three years now. We did everything together. We were really inseparable. But then she discovered post-Marxist political and literary theory, and it’s been nothing but fighting ever since.

Jerry: Why is that?

Todd: You see, Jerry, I’m a traditional Cartesian rationalist. I believe that the individual self, the “I” or ego is the foundation of all metaphysics. She, on the other hand, believes that the contemporary self is a socially constructed, multi-faceted subjectivity reflecting the political and economic realities of late capitalist consumerist discourse.

Crowd: Ooooohhhh!

Todd: I know! I know! Is that infantile, or what?

Jerry: So what do you want to tell her today?

Todd: I want to tell her that unless she ditches the post-modernism, we’re through. I just can’t go on having a relationship with a woman who doesn’t believe I exist.

Jerry: Well, you’re going to get your chance. Here’s Ursula!

Ursula storms onstage and charges up to Todd.

Ursula: Patriarchal colonizer!

She slaps him viciously. Todd leaps up, but the security guys pull them apart before things can go any further.

Ursula: Don’t listen to him! Logic is a male hysteria! Rationality equals oppression and the silencing of marginalized voices!

Todd: The classical methodology of rational dialectic is our only road to truth! Don’t try to deny it!

Ursula: You and your dialectic! That’s how it’s been through our whole relationship, Jerry. Mindless repetition of the post-Enlightenment meta-narrative. “You have to start with radical doubt, Ursula”. “Post-structuralism is just classical sceptical thought recast in the language of semiotics, Ursula”.

Crowd: Booo! Booo!

Jerry: Well, Ursula, come on. Don’t you agree that the roots of contemporary neo-Leftism simply have to be sought in Enlightenment political philosophy?

Ursula: History is the discourse of powerful centrally located voices marginalizing and de-scribing the sub-altern!

Todd: See what I have to put up with? Do you know what it’s like living with someone who sees sex as a metaphoric demonstration of the anti-feminist violence implicit in the discourse of the dominant power structure? It’s terrible. She just lies there and thinks of Andrea Dworkin. That’s why we never do it any more.

Crowd: Wooooo!

Ursula: You liar! Why don’t you tell them how you haven’t been able to get it up for the past three months because you couldn’t decide if your penis truly had essential Being, or was simply a manifestation of Mind?

Todd: Wait a minute! Wait a minute!

Ursula: It’s true!

Jerry: Well, I don’t think we’re going to solve this one right away. Our next guests are Louis and Tina. And Tina has a little confession to make!

Louis and Tina come onstage. Todd and Ursula continue bickering in the background.

Jerry: Tina, you are… (reads cards) … an existentialist, is that right?

Tina: That’s right, Jerry. And Louis is, too.

Jerry: And what did you want to tell Louis today?

Tina: Jerry, today I want to tell him…

Jerry: Talk to Louis. Talk to him.

Crowd hushes.

Tina: Louis… I’ve loved you for a long time…

Louis: I love you, too, Tina.

Tina: Louis, you know I agree with you that existence precedes essence, but… well, I just want to tell you I’ve been reading Nietzsche lately, and I don’t think I can agree with your egalitarian politics any more.

Crowd: Wooooo! Woooooo!

Louis: (shocked and disbelieving) Tina, this is crazy. You know that Sartre clarified all this way back in the 40’s.

Tina: But he didn’t take into account Nietzsche’s radical critique of democratic morality, Louis. I’m sorry. I can’t ignore the contradiction any longer!

Louis: You got these ideas from Victor, didn’t you? Didn’t you?

Tina: Don’t you bring up Victor! I only turned to him when I saw you were seeing that dominatrix! I needed a real man! An Ueber-man!

Louis: (sobbing) I couldn’t help it. It was my burden of freedom. It was too much!

Jerry: We’ve got someone here who might have something to add. Bring out .. Victor!

Victor enters. He walks up to Louis and sticks a finger in his face.

Victor: Louis, you’re a classic post-Christian intellectual. Weak to the core!

Louis: (through tears) You can kiss my Marxist ass, Reactionary Boy!

Victor: Herd animal!

Louis: Lackey!

Louis throws a chair at Victor; they lock horns and wrestle. The crowd goes wild. After a long struggle, the security guys pry them apart.

Jerry: Okay, okay. It’s time for questions from the audience. Go ahead, sir.

Audience member: Okay, this is for Tina. Tina, I just wanna know how you can call yourself an existentialist, and still agree with Nietzsche’s doctrine of the Uebermensch. Doesn’t that imply a belief in intrinsic essences that is in direct contradiction with the fundamental principles of existentialism?

Tina: No! No! It doesn’t. We can be equal in potential, without being equal in eventual personal quality. It’s a question of Becoming, not Being.

Audience member: That’s just disguised essentialism! You’re no existentialist!

Tina: I am so!

Audience member: You’re no existentialist!

Tina: I am so an existentialist, bitch!

Ursula stands and interjects.

Ursula: What does it [bleep] matter? Existentialism is just a cover for late capitalist anti-feminism! Look at how Sartre treated Simone de Beauvoir!

Women in the crowd cheer and stomp.

Tina: [Bleep] you! Fat-ass Foucauldian ho!

Ursula: You only wish you were smart enough to understand Foucault, bitch!

Tina: You the bitch!

Ursula: No, you the bitch!

Tina: Whatever! Whatever!

Jerry: We’ll be right back with a final thought! Stay with us!

Commercial break for debt-consolidation loans, ITT Technical Institute, and Psychic Alliance Hotline.

Jerry: Hi! Welcome back. I just want to thank all our guests for being here, and say that I hope you’re able to work through your differences and find happiness, if indeed happiness can be extracted from the dismal miasma of warring primal hormonal impulses we call human relationship.

(turns to the camera)

Well, we all think philosophy is just fun and games. Semiotics, deconstruction, Lacanian post-Freudian psychoanalysis, it all seems like good, clean fun. But when the heart gets involved, all our painfully acquired metaphysical insights go right out the window, and we’re reduced to battling it out like rutting chimpanzees. It’s not
pretty.

If you’re in a relationship, and differences over the fundamental principles of your respective subjectivities are making things difficult, maybe it’s time to move on. Find someone new, someone who will accept you and the way your laughably limited human intelligence chooses to codify and rationalize the chaos of existence. After all, in the absence of a clear, unquestionable revelation from God, that’s all we’re all doing anyway. So remember: take care of yourselves - and each other.

Announcer: Be sure to tune in next time, when KKK strippers battle it out with transvestite omnisexual porn stars! Tomorrow on Springer!

the monkey cage

Elisabeth Hasselbeck's 25 Most Annoying Moments

As compiled by Tracie from Jezebel.com. If I happen to watch a segment of the View online (because a., it's on before i'm up, and b., the only thing i use my tv for is sega genesis marathons), I usually have to struggle to get through it because Hasselcrack's arguments are so mind-numbingly-rage-inducingly awful, and she talks over everyone else. But Jezebel has compiled this great video that highlights her worst moments quickly, keeping the rage at a minimum and the scornful laughter at a maximum. Whoo!

JUMP! to watch the clip.

American Women Vs. Saudi Women: What We Can and Can't Do

The blog American Bedu recently compiled a list of things that Saudi women can and can't do. That blog was followed today by the women of Jezebel compiling their own list for American women. Feel free to add to the list in the comments.


Saudi Women Can:

-Work
-Have their own bank accounts
-Have their own businesses
-Own properties
-Own businesses
-Make investments
-Have their own driver
-Own a car

Saudi Women Cannot:

-Drive
-Sponsor a non-Saudi husband for residency in the Kingdom
-Visit a graveyard
-Attend Friday prayers in a mosque unless there is a women's section
-Be alone with an unrelated man who is not a "sanctioned" relative
-Travel alone without the approval of the male mahrem


American Women Can:

-Drive
-Vote
-Run for President
-Join the Navy
-Compete in the Olympics (but not in boxing)
-Top the New York Times Best Seller List
-Become men

American Women Cannot:

-Walk alone at night without fear of being assaulted
-Buy birth control pills without a prescription (except Plan B)
-Marry another woman (except in MA and CT)
-Be a Navy SEAL
-Play professional baseball
-Get fat without apologizing for it
-Look plain without getting shit for it
-Look hot or get drunk without "asking for it"
-Be aggressive in school or the workplace without being labeled a "bitch"

Now add your own!

Lolcat Tuesday!

Cum Shot? Bailey's Irish Cream Ad? Why Not Both?!

Bailey's wins our hearts and minds with a new advertisement featuring a pale creamy liquid splashing onto pink feminine lips. Nothing like a little misogyny in the afternoon. Clip embedded below.


Find more videos like this on AdGabber

Honestly, Who Throws A Shoe??!

I'm so happy something has finally happened in the world to warrant this post title.
Everybody's favorite president, G. Dub, was giving a surprise press conference in Iraq with the Iraqi Prime Minister when an Iraqi reporter threw both of his shoes at him. The reporter then yelled, "This is a farewell kiss, dog". Charming. I love that all the news outlets are reporting that in Arab culture, it's a "sign of disrespect to throw shoes"---it's not like Americans throw shoes at each other to show their unwavering support. I think it's actually a pretty easily translated action. Not that I condone it. I have enough disrespect for G. Dub to throw all of my many capitalist nation granting shoes at him, but I think it's not the most couth move. I get it, he wants the world to know how much Iraqis hate the American occupation. Got it. Point taken. He totally just effed it up for all the other Middle Eastern reporters though. The secret service is so going to make them all wear elastic foot covers, a la hospital slippers. HA.



Clip embedded--if you can't see it, the link is below.

shoe throwing mo fo

"Religion is much more of a choice than homosexuality is".

Jon Stewart took Mike Huckabee to task on gay marriage last night on the Daily Show. Huckabee was interviewed for a solid 14 minutes--my guess is Huckabee stipulated a certain amount of time in order to come on the show, and Stewart in return spent almost half of the interview punching holes in Huckabee's religious rhetoric. When Stewart brings up the fact that marriage used be defined as between two people of the same race, making a platform on "traditional" (i.e., non-evolving) marriage, bunk, Huckabee makes the argument that it's not the same thing because black people don't "choose" to be black. AWESOMENESS.
Clip embedded below. If you're reading this post on facebook, click the link to watch the clip.




Huckabee on the Daily Show

Lolcat Tuesday!

This Ain't Yur Gramma's Lamp

weburbanist.com featured an article today on 20 new ideas in lighting design. it's pretty neat, ranging from lamps designed to look like torn wallpaper with a soft glow of light pouring from the tear, to a rather morbid neon hanging noose lamp. The lighting pictured is of fields of acrylic tubes filled with optical fibers...sure beats strings of icicle lights...

more websites to check religiously

So I've been a religious fan of passiveaggressivenotes.com for quite a while now. I've been the recipient of many a passive aggressive note in my lifetime, so reading them when they're not directed at me is extremely enjoyable. I was reading the WTF? page of the site, and lo and behold, there were some recommended sites that turned out to be AWESOME:

apostrophe abuse AND the "blog" of "unnecessary" quotation marks

if you enjoy PAN at all you will like these--they sho' tickled me!

I picked some various posts from both blogs this week...

The Real Bill Ayers

William Ayers steps out into the New York Times.



The Real Bill Ayers
by William Ayers
published 12.05.08


IN the recently concluded presidential race, I was unwillingly thrust upon the stage and asked to play a role in a profoundly dishonest drama. I refused, and here’s why.

Unable to challenge the content of Barack Obama’s campaign, his opponents invented a narrative about a young politician who emerged from nowhere, a man of charm, intelligence and skill, but with an exotic background and a strange name. The refrain was a question: “What do we really know about this man?”

Secondary characters in the narrative included an African-American preacher with a fiery style, a Palestinian scholar and an “unrepentant domestic terrorist.” Linking the candidate with these supposedly shadowy characters, and ferreting out every imagined secret tie and dark affiliation, became big news.

I was cast in the “unrepentant terrorist” role; I felt at times like the enemy projected onto a large screen in the “Two Minutes Hate” scene from George Orwell’s “1984,” when the faithful gathered in a frenzy of fear and loathing.

With the mainstream news media and the blogosphere caught in the pre-election excitement, I saw no viable path to a rational discussion. Rather than step clumsily into the sound-bite culture, I turned away whenever the microphones were thrust into my face. I sat it out.

Now that the election is over, I want to say as plainly as I can that the character invented to serve this drama wasn’t me, not even close. Here are the facts:

I never killed or injured anyone. I did join the civil rights movement in the mid-1960s, and later resisted the draft and was arrested in nonviolent demonstrations. I became a full-time antiwar organizer for Students for a Democratic Society. In 1970, I co-founded the Weather Underground, an organization that was created after an accidental explosion that claimed the lives of three of our comrades in Greenwich Village. The Weather Underground went on to take responsibility for placing several small bombs in empty offices — the ones at the Pentagon and the United States Capitol were the most notorious — as an illegal and unpopular war consumed the nation.

The Weather Underground crossed lines of legality, of propriety and perhaps even of common sense. Our effectiveness can be — and still is being — debated. We did carry out symbolic acts of extreme vandalism directed at monuments to war and racism, and the attacks on property, never on people, were meant to respect human life and convey outrage and determination to end the Vietnam war.

Peaceful protests had failed to stop the war. So we issued a screaming response. But it was not terrorism; we were not engaged in a campaign to kill and injure people indiscriminately, spreading fear and suffering for political ends.

I cannot imagine engaging in actions of that kind today. And for the past 40 years, I’ve been teaching and writing about the unique value and potential of every human life, and the need to realize that potential through education.

I have regrets, of course — including mistakes of excess and failures of imagination, posturing and posing, inflated and heated rhetoric, blind sectarianism and a lot else. No one can reach my age with their eyes even partly open and not have hundreds of regrets. The responsibility for the risks we posed to others in some of our most extreme actions in those underground years never leaves my thoughts for long.

The antiwar movement in all its commitment, all its sacrifice and determination, could not stop the violence unleashed against Vietnam. And therein lies cause for real regret.

We — the broad “we” — wrote letters, marched, talked to young men at induction centers, surrounded the Pentagon and lay down in front of troop trains. Yet we were inadequate to end the killing of three million Vietnamese and almost 60,000 Americans during a 10-year war.

The dishonesty of the narrative about Mr. Obama during the campaign went a step further with its assumption that if you can place two people in the same room at the same time, or if you can show that they held a conversation, shared a cup of coffee, took the bus downtown together or had any of a thousand other associations, then you have demonstrated that they share ideas, policies, outlook, influences and, especially, responsibility for each other’s behavior. There is a long and sad history of guilt by association in our political culture, and at crucial times we’ve been unable to rise above it.

President-elect Obama and I sat on a board together; we lived in the same diverse and yet close-knit community; we sometimes passed in the bookstore. We didn’t pal around, and I had nothing to do with his positions. I knew him as well as thousands of others did, and like millions of others, I wish I knew him better.

Demonization, guilt by association, and the politics of fear did not triumph, not this time. Let’s hope they never will again. And let’s hope we might now assert that in our wildly diverse society, talking and listening to the widest range of people is not a sin, but a virtue.

William Ayers, a professor of education at the University of Illinois at Chicago, is the author of “Fugitive Days” and a co-author of the forthcoming “Race Course.”

Prop 8: The Musical!

a star studded cast sums up the evils of prop 8 via song and dance.

See more Jack Black videos at Funny or Die

although, as funny as this it, didn't it come about 6 weeks too late?

BANKSY

So i'm super late to the Banksy party.

Banksy is apparently one of the most subversive and articulate artists of our time. His medium of choice is stencil graffiti on walls and buildings in major cities around the world. His aesthetic is the clean lines and detail of stencil art, and his tone is satirical, political, and sometimes anarchistic.

A friend of mine showed me his book "Wall and Piece", which showcases Banksy's art, around last Thanksgiving and I immediately loved it. But, I apparently forgot about him until my favorite "urban explorer" photog Xavier Nuez wrote a blurb about him and stencil artist Roadsworth on his blog last week.

Banksy is now famous around the world. He has pulled off such stunts as adding his own work to the British Museum of Art (it took something like a week for it to be noticed by museum staff, and it was eventually added to the permanent collection), replacing 500 of Paris Hilton's CDs with original (and rather biting) cover art and jacket, and stenciling a number of rather profound works on the wall that divides Israel from Palestine. His work is a social commentary, one that is most poignant given it's context. There is a great article from last year on weburbanist.

I've also embedded a bbc video about the elusive Banksy. It's about 8 minutes long but pretty fascinating. It showcases some of his most famous works.

Lolcat Tuesday!

oldest lolcat ever! found in an antique shop, dates back to 1905. the caption says "what's delaying my dinner?"

Obama Cabinet Run-down.

Secretary of State: NY Senator Hillary Clinton
A small town girl.
Srsly tho, I am stoked about that one. Shh to the h8ers.











Defense Secretary: Robert Gates(a continuation from the Bush admin)
Gates is one of the few to handle the same post in two prez admins. He was def a huge step up from Donald Rumsfeld. He was high up in the CIA during the Iran-Contra scandal, but his involvement/awareness was never proven.


Nat’l Security Adviser: retired Marine Gen. Jim Jones (also a continuation)
Besides having a great name, Jim Jones is also extremely photogenic! Jones is generally reported to be a bipartisan figure who is down with both Robert Gates and H. Clinton.

















Secretary of Homeland Security: AZ Gov. Janet Napolitano
Border state gov. gets to deal with immigration and border security on a nat’l level. Makes sense. I do not envy her new job. GL janet.


Attorney General: Eric Holder
Has been opposed to the bush admin’s enforcement of the patriot act and nsa surveilance, and is in favor of closing down gitmo. I’m a big fan.
If confirmed, will be the first AfAm Attorney General. Obama totes just picked him cuz he’s black. jk. /he does kind of look like Steadman, right?


United Nations ambassador: Susan Rice
Stanford, Rhodes Scholar, blah blah blah. Don’t know that much about her except for those allegations a couple years ago that it was totes her fault that we didn’t catch Bin Laden when he was in Sudan pre-9/11. if you want to read all that gossip hit up wikipedia, I’m tiyurd.

Spaghetti Cat (cat cat cat cat cat)

spaghetti cat's world domination is imminent.

President-Elect First Weekly Address

Prez-elect Obama, how can we come down off our election high if you keep being so consistently awesome??

Lolcat Tuesday!

is it just me or does this totally look like peabody's cat, hand, and hair? has she been secretly lolcatting??!

Felicity Dahl talks about her husband in the Guardian

In one of her rare interviews, Roald Dahl's widow talks candidly about "the love of her life" and what they went through to be together. I would be an entirely different person if my childhood hadn't been shaped by the wonders of Roald Dahl's imagination. Entirely.

"Felicity, known to her friends and family as Liccy (pronounced Lissy), rarely gives interviews. The requests come in a steady stream, but remembering is an emotive business and she is extremely busy running the Roald Dahl Foundation, a grant-giving charity that aims to help children in the areas of literacy, neurology and haematology. The foundation is about to launch a series of free concerts at Kings Place in London, featuring orchestral versions of Dahl's stories.

Today, however, she has agreed to speak in order to publicise the inaugural Roald Dahl Funny Prize, to be awarded on Thursday to this year's most humorous children's book. The prize, organised by the charity Booktrust, is being judged by a panel that includes Michael Rosen, the Children's Laureate, and Dahl's granddaughter, model Sophie Dahl.

'People often ask me, "Did he tell lots of jokes?"' says Felicity. 'No. It is in his writing, in his descriptions of things. It was a hidden, subversive humour, not a comedian telling jokes.

'Children were his friends, that's what kept him going. The fact that they loved his stories and would then go on to read Biggles and everything else - that, to him, was a miracle. He said, "I feel a bit like a pop star."'

She says he would have been horrified by the erosion of children's imaginations by computer games. 'I think [computer] games are absolutely appalling. A child is never left on their own with nothing, so that they have to create their world. The Game Boys and that ghastly stuff have come in and they are absolutely like this...' She does an impression of a goggle-eyed teen staring at a hand-held screen. 'Roald would have had a fit at that."

You can read the full article in the guardian.

Melissa Etheridge Says "You Can Forget My Taxes"

Academy Award-Winning and Grammy Award-Winning singer-songwriter Melissa Etheridge declared that she will not be paying CA state taxes thanks to Prop. 8 declaring her and all other Gay and Lesbians, less than full citizens with equal rights.

"Okay. So Prop 8 passed. Alright, I get it. 51% of you think that I am a second class citizen. Alright then. So my wife, uh I mean, roommate? Girlfriend? Special lady friend? You are gonna have to help me here because I am not sure what to call her now. Anyways, she and I are not allowed the same right under the state constitution as any other citizen. Okay, so I am taking that to mean I do not have to pay my state taxes because I am not a full citizen. I mean that would just be wrong, to make someone pay taxes and not give them the same rights, sounds sort of like that taxation without representation thing from the history books.
Okay, cool I don't mean to get too personal here but there is a lot I can do with the extra half a million dollars that I will be keeping instead of handing it over to the state of California. Oh, and I am sure Ellen will be a little excited to keep her bazillion bucks that she pays in taxes too. Wow, come to think of it, there are quite a few of us fortunate gay folks that will be having some extra cash this year. What recession? We're gay! I am sure there will be a little box on the tax forms now single, married, divorced, gay, check here if you are gay, yeah, that's not so bad. Of course all of the waiters and hairdressers and UPS workers and gym teachers and such, they won't have to pay their taxes either."

Full article in the daily beast.

Tralalalalala.

Gail Collins, in her succinctly hilarious way sums it up this morning in the NYTimes today.

Tralalalalala.
We are only thinking cheerful thoughts today, people. America did good. Enjoy.
Even if you voted for John McCain, be happy. You’ve got the best of all worlds. Today, you can bask in the realization that there are billions of people around the planet who loathed our country last week but are now in awe of its capacity to rise above historic fears and prejudices, that once again, the United States will have a president the world wants to follow.
Then later, when things get screwed up, you can point out that it’s not your fault.
About the inevitable disasters: I am sorry to tell you, excited youth of America, that Barack Obama is going to make mistakes. And the country’s broke. Perhaps we should have mentioned this before. But let’s leave all that to 2009. When somebody runs one of the best presidential campaigns ever, he deserves a little time to enjoy the sweet spot between achievement of a goal and the arrival of the consequences.
Let’s hear it for the voters. Good turnout, guys — especially you Virginians who stood in line for seven hours. A professor at George Mason University who studies this sort of thing claims that there hasn’t been such a high participation level since 1908. You could turn out to be the ever-elusive answer to the question: “Name one thing that Barack Obama has in common with William Howard Taft?”
Let’s hear it for Hillary Clinton, who lost but made the country comfortable with the idea of a woman as chief executive. And Joe Biden, who actually ran a disciplined campaign, given his truly exceptional capacity to say weird things.
And let’s give a shout-out to John McCain. As desperate as he was, he still passed up opportunities to poke hard at the nation’s fault lines of race, religion and region — although he has probably created a permanent gap between the rest of us and segments of the country who feel under imminent threat from Bill Ayers.
McCain ran a dreadful campaign, but it’s over. Give the guy a break. He was stuck with George Bush. And the Republican Party. And the fact that he was constitutionally incapable of giving a decent speech. The road was hard, but he soldiered on and did a lovely concession Tuesday night. Kudos.
Sarah Palin did go over the top with her small towns vs. the world mantra. However, she does get credit for giving us a real understanding of the difference between a moose and a caribou.
O.K., there is nothing positive to say about Sarah Palin. And Alaska, are you re-electing Ted Stevens? What’s going on there? Did you actually believe him when he said that the court verdict was still up in the air? On the day after he was found guilty? By the way, if Stevens does win, it will be with about 106,000 votes. In total. There are more people than that in my immediate neighborhood! What kind of state is this, anyway?
But we’re in a good mood, so let’s forget Alaska. Instead, we’ll contemplate the fact that North Carolina tossed Elizabeth Dole out of office despite her ad campaign aimed at convincing the state that her opponent, Kay Hagan, was an atheist. This was accomplished, you may remember, through the creative strategy of showing Hagan’s picture along with another woman’s voice saying: “There is no God!” If Dole had won, by the next election we would have been bombarded with ads that appeared to show candidates saying “I support adultery!” or “Let’s kill the puppies!” Now that won’t happen. Thank you, North Carolina.
By the way, I believe that during the campaign McCain’s great friend Senator Lindsey Graham said something along the line of promising to drown himself if North Carolina went for Obama. I believe I speak for us all, Senator Graham, when I say that we are feeling extremely mellow today and you do not have to follow through.
Congratulations to Senator Susan Collins on her re-election. The entire moderate Republican caucus in the Senate may now wind up consisting of women from Maine. As Maine goes, so go the Supreme Court nominations.
Finally, on behalf of the baby-boom generation, I would like to hear a little round of applause before we cede the stage to the people who were too young to go to Woodstock and would appreciate not having to listen to the stories about it anymore. It looks as though we will be represented in history by only two presidents, one of whom is George W. Bush. Bummer.
The boomers didn’t win any wars and that business about being self-involved was not entirely unfounded. On the other hand, they made the nation get serious about the idea of everybody being created equal. And now American children are going to grow up unaware that there’s anything novel in an African-American president or a woman running for the White House.
We’ll settle for that.

The Blame Game Begins

As wacko as Sarah Palin is, McCain's defeat does not lay at her feet. His defeat was caused by his dramatic transformation from funny, outspoken, bipartisan hater of corruption, to GOP extrem-o base-panderer. Srsly. Obama was inclusive, and McCain followed that Republican strategy of the last 20 years: divide and conquer. FUCK THAT. Divided we fail. Which thankfully, many, many Americans realized.
So anyway, this shit is not Palin's fault. Sure she is totally backwards. But picking her did not sink that campaign.
Watch the clip to see some post-election McCain camp finger-pointing.

Maya Angelou Sums it Up

I DARE YOU not to cry during this video.

Watch CBS Videos Online

Still I Rise

You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I'll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I'll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops.
Weakened by my soulful cries.

Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don't you take it awful hard
'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines
Diggin' in my own back yard.

You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I'll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I've got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?

Out of the huts of history's shame
I rise
Up from a past that's rooted in pain
I rise
I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.
Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise.

Maya Angelou

Lolcat Tuesday!

(on a wednesday)

OBAMA WINS WITH 349 ELECTORAL VOTES

Well, the impossible, the inconceivable, the unbelievable has happened. Barack Obama has been elected the 44th President of the United States of America. I watched his speech in a bar, surrounded by ecstatic, unbelieving people, most of us brimming with tears. Between his Lincoln quotes and his thanking of the generation that "rejected the myth of it's own apathy", I have not had many happier moments than that. Never have I been more proud to be an American.

Take a moment and think about what we have done, and where we are going. Just incredible.

OBAMA VOTE ART PROJECT

So, I have this idea.

This Election Cycle has been exhausting. After two years of ups and downs and speculation and ugly politicking, we're all just about over it. But this election is also the most historic and poignant moment of our young lives. This election, and the popular uprising by our generation to elect Barack Obama, will be taught in the text books that our children will read. How powerful a moment this is, that our generation, OUR generation has been the face of change on so many fronts, with this election the culmination of our empowerment. It may sound silly now, but our generation has changed the function of communication itself, with the rise of Facebook and Youtube--we enabled those inventions to succeed--we identified them as a tool for young people, and then utilized them in a way that no one could have imagined 4 years ago, when we were graduating from high school. And now, with this election, we have finally turned on the light of our intellect and our mobility, to drown out the deafening darkness of apathy. If Barack Obama is elected President of the United States on Tuesday, we will have done it.

I'm hoping to construct a major art project that will capture this sentiment. It will be centered on us.

I'm writing this note to ask a favor of everyone who reads it. I would like to get my hands on as many pictures of people in their voting booths as possible--in the act of voting. That means, digicam, picture phone, polaroid--any way that you can capture the act of voting for Barack Obama. Twisting to get your face in a self taken with a voting machine isn't necessary--just hands and screens, fingers and provisional ballots--- whatever you want to get in the picture to document your vote. Some polling places won't have curtains or booths, especially in states with electronic voting, but don't let that discourage you from taking a subtle camera phone picture. Especially since, in this day and age of computer voting, having a picture record of your vote isn't a terrible idea anyway.

I understand that some people may want to just privately experience their vote, and not have any kind of subtle camera work to worry about. But considering how powerful a compilation of this kind could be, and how fluidly we can all pull out our iphones and snap a quick picture, I beg you to try. I would love to create a lasting expression of how much we have all put into this.

Please please! Consider contributing your vote to this project. Email me pictures at tracyerincox@mac.com
You can also join the OBAMA VOTE ART PROJECT group on Facebook for discussions on the topic.

Thank you, and happy voting!

Obama Noms on Babies

this website, Yes We Can (Hold Babies) is pretty awesome.

Happy Birthday Hillary

Hillary Clinton turned 61 yesterday---I've posted her badass DNC speech in her honor.

The GOP Has Figured Out Liberal Feminists

reason #427 to love Rachel Maddow:

Chris Matthews Doesn't Pfuck around with Pfotenhauer on the Subject of VP Responsibility

"I guess despite her trip through Neiman's and Sak's she still didn't pick up a copy of the Constitution".

I guess Chris Matthews has finally had it with the BS he keeps getting served by Nancy Pfotenhauer among other McCain camp reps---he actually calls her out when she tries to avoid answering him by changing the subject---and Bill Burton from the Obama camp doesn't really know what to do, so he just kind of sits silently and occasionally starts laughing....if I were you I'd skip the first 3:30, which is just more dumb talk about Palin's wardrobe (can I get a WHO CARES?)

Lolcat Tuesday!

To keep myself from posting lolcat pictures constantly, I've arbitrarily decided to poast ay cuple on tsdays frm nowe ahn.

I Just Realized: Sarah Palin is a Mean Girl

Joe Biden said recently that an Obama Administration would face an international crisis the first 6 months in office.

Palin made note of that comment at a rally in Reno, NV today:

Gov. Sarah Palin suggested today that Barack Obama is unprepared to serve as commander in chief, laying out scenarios she said made the country vulnerable to an international crisis under his leadership.

Palin fed off the words of Obama's running mate, Sen. Joe Biden, who said Sunday that Obama would be challenged by an international crisis in his first six months of office. During a rally at the Reno Convention Center, Palin listed four scenarios "that would place our country at risk in an Obama administration," including sitting down with dictators and sending American troops to Pakistan over the objections of the country's leader.

"But I guess the looming crisis that most worries the Obama campaign right now is Joe Biden's next speaking engagement," Palin said. "Let's call that crisis scenario number five."

Seriously, did McCain Campaign advisors come up with this schtick for her to ignore issues and spend her time thinking of nasty things to say at rallies? Or is that just her own brilliance?

Jezebel.com put a nice perspective on it thanks to CNN:

Oh, and while she's running around mocking Joe Biden's statement that the Obama Administration might face an international crisis, CNN pointed out that the Cuban Missile Crisis started off Kennedy's Administration; the fall of Saigon, Ford's; the first World Trade Center bombing, Clinton's; and 9/11, Bush's. Silly facts.

I'm starting to think that, because Sarah Palin is clearly a Mean Girl, and since Tina Fey wrote Mean Girls, Palin is actually just Tina Fey spewing her own brilliant parody of the worst kind of bigoted, inexperienced, woman-hating GOP candidate that could possibly exist. Anybody with me?

(hotline), (jezebel)

7 Ways to Make Sure Your Vote is Counted

This list was written by Megan of Jezebel in her article, "Voter Suppression And You: A Guide For Unreal Americans" in Jezebel today. The full article details many of the current efforts by the GOP to disenfranchise Democratic voters. Don't let it happen this time!


1. Vote early, preferably in person. Most of the people who will be out and about to mount challenges will be doing this on Election Day proper. This also gives you a chance to makes sure you are registered properly and challenge back if anything is wrong.
2. Insist on a paper trail. Many states have this as an option now, but in some it's only upon request. Request.
3. Don't wear anything that signals your voting preferences. Some states have little-used laws that prevent "electioneering" in polling places, and there have been signals that the folks there to challenge some voters will be challenging people wearing Obama stuff. Leave it at home or in your car.
4. Bring picture ID. Your state may or may not require that you have it, but it is one good way to verify your identity and residency if challenged. If your address isn't up-to-date, many states can issue free temporary change-of-address cards, or just do the paperwork to get it officially changed today.
5. Stand your ground, politely. The point of a challenge is to keep you from voting, and they can win in two ways. The easiest thing to do — which is why they're doing it — is to embarrass you into leaving. Fuck that. If you can't win the challenge at the moment, demand a provisional ballot and a written explanation of what you need to do to make sure that it is counted. Speak only to official poll workers, and ignore the partisan hack if s/he tries to "help."
6. Ask for help. If there is a problem with your electronic machine, do not press done and leave the polling place. Insist that a poll worker help you until your vote is cast correctly. If it cannot be, tell them they need to request assistance from the appropriate authorities and refuse to leave or cast your ballot until the problem is corrected. If you leave, you've probably already lost. Do not forget to have a paper trail.
7. Ask for more help The Brennan Center For Justice, among other groups, will have lawyers on hand to take reports of problems and offer legal assistance by called 1-866-OUR-VOTE. Use it if you have to. Hopefully you won't have to.

David Sedaris Has a Way With Words

David Sedaris offers this analogy to help us understand undecided voters: "I think of being on an airplane. The flight attendant comes down the aisle with her food cart and, eventually, parks it beside my seat. 'Can I interest you in the chicken?' she asks. 'Or would you prefer the platter of shit with bits of broken glass in it?' To be undecided in this election is to pause for a moment and then ask how the chicken is cooked."

(the new yorker)

Daily Show Rage: "What the Pfuck?"

Last night's episode of the Daily Show was even better than usual, thanks to Jon Stewart's rage over the separate comments by Palin and McCain advisor Nancy Pfotenhauer about small town America being the "real America". I read various reports over the weekend of Stewart giving a speech to a college audience in Boston and reacting to the Palin statement with a very clear, "Fuck you", so I was wondering how censored his reaction to the statement would be on Comedy Central. Well, thankfully for us, his rage didn't seem to subside before Monday's show, as proven by his repeated conclusion that Palin's statement would mean that September 11th happened in "fake America" (and that bin Laden was going to be mad when he realized that he bombed the wrong America!)

Rage on, Jon! We're right there with ya!

Click here to watch the full episode.

Palin Rally Racists of the Week

Thank the Immigrants

So it turns out, California is not a reliably blue state because of those gay Jews in Hollywood, or those gay atheists in San Francisco! According to Brian Beutler and Ezra Klein, conservatives can now have a new reason to hate the first and second generation Latinos in California: they vote Democratic, and are a big reason why CA goes blue. It makes sense though--looking at the several images I stole from Ezra, it's easy to see that the farther you get from the coast (disregarding San Diego), the more conservative it gets. Point being, there are a lot of white voters in CA who vote Republican, and Bush had a 5 point margin among white voters in 2004. Thank you, hefty Latino minority, for keeping CA blue.

Amy Poehler rocks my world.

I'm glad that Sarah came off as mostly stiff on SNL last night---she left most of the funny stuff to tina fey and amy poehler. The opening skit was actually so stiff that it made me uncomfortable for the most part, but this amy poehler rap is pretty much the funniest thing ever:

Powell Endorses Obama on Meet the Press

NYT Profile of Cindy McCain outrages McCain camp

McCain spokesman Michael Goldfarb has labeled the piece, "gutter journalism", but it actually does a pretty good job of humanizing the Stepford Cindy McCain.

article after the JUMP.

Sarah Haskins explains the Disney Princesses.

they so do have daddy issues.

Obama Advertises on Virtual Billboard in Online Game

A first for a presidential candidate--but as Jalopnik.com says: Have no fear, McCain is advertising on Yo-Yos!"

Barack Obama has begun advertising on billboards within the virtual world of an online video game in what appears to be a first for a presidential campaign. Players of the online racing video game Burnout Paradise on the Xbox 360 Live network noticed billboards promoting Barack Obama and the website VoteForChange.com, which helps people determine how to register to vote and where to vote.

(jalopnik)